Cocktail How (Not) Tos

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Scientific evidence has shown that internet users can’t read sentences longer than six words. Nor can they decipher non-moving images (unless in cartoon form, and even then only at a maximum of four frames). This is why videos are the only medium through which brands can actually communicate to the internet audience. It’s also why you’ve probably already stopped reading and are just watching the embedded videos below.

Applying this to the drinks industry, it seems apt to highlight two of the most horrific drinkstructionals (you can have that one gratis, agency-folk) known to man. Apt, that is, at a time when the latest such channel, the Bacardi-beloved Jamie Oliver’s Drinks Tube, is gaining momentum. There’s nothing wrong with how-tos per se. But consider this a heads-up for how things can go wrong… Or not…

Our first how-to is JaNee Nisonger and her How To Make An Old Fashioned. If you enjoy slow motion car crashes, you’ll enjoy poor, poor JaNee below:

On the flipside of such horror stands Rick Dobbs, of The Last Word and The National American Bartending School of America Prep School. (And they say American’s don’t get sarcasm.)

Rick has two how-to videos of note: the Bees Knees, and its YouTube successor, the Last Word (complete with a cracking faux website which, if we were Trend Analysts we’d describe in terms of “intentionally nostalgic web design that knowingly harks back to a more simple aesthetic era” or some such). Regardless, relish both (intentionally) awful videos below:

While there’s obviously a huge difference between our two stars, there are lessons to be learned for everyone. Self-deprecating, charmingly ridiculous, informed by actual competence and thus thoroughly engrossing, we can only hope Rick’s tireless efforts serve as a reminder to drinks brands, bloggers and ‘consumer educators’ alike that this business we’re in ain’t exactly heart surgery.

Here’s to more video stupidity (of the intentional kind): salud!